My Crossroads

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I was raised in a Christian home.  I have personally never had that moment of wondering if God is real.  I grew up acknowledging him and learning to recognize his blessings.  However, as I grew into adulthood I became lazy about my spiritual life.  Since I knew God was real and I had access to him anytime, I tended to take him for granted.  Of course I called out to him in earnest when I needed him to provide or work something out for me, but I didn’t have a meaningful relationship with him.  All my life I was in awe and reverence of Almighty God but it was a religious reverence.

That changed during our trials of 2012.  God clearly showed me I was at a crossroad in my life. The jig was up.  It was time to grow up spiritually.  It was sink or swim.  I learned how to LIVE “Pray without Ceasing”.  I rarely said “Amen” at the end of my prayers, instead I would just pick up where I left off and keep on talking to Him.  It was sincere.  It was earnest.  I needed God like I had never needed him before.  My prayers evolved from organized, clean, tidy lists to just talking to him.  As my prayer life changed, so did my relationship with Him.  Without taking away any respect for his deity and power, it was like God eased himself off his throne to sit with me on the floor.  He became my best friend.  He became personal.  I fell in love with him and before long I realized that nothing…NOTHING…is more important to me in this life than maintaining and growing my relationship with God.  I believe my trials were meant to test me, to see if I wanted to be more than a surface Christian.  But during the trial I think I subconsciously also began testing God.  I knew he was real, but did *I* matter enough to him?  He’s such a big God, could he really care about me?  The amazing thing is, He didn’t take offense.  Never once did he respond with “How dare you to question my love for you?!  I am God!”  Instead, every time I took a step into the unknown I felt his hand.  In the dark times I could hear his whisper giving me direction.  When I felt like I was being battered and beat up emotionally, I could feel his shoulder touching mine and I gained the confidence that I was not on the front line alone.

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Once life began to ease into some normalcy, the desire of my heart was to hang onto this new relationship.  I don’t want to feel a distance again.  I crave the closeness and newness of my personal relationship with God.  I love going to church and enjoying fellowship with my church family.  I am loved and accepted and challenged there.  But even more than church services, I cherish my early morning quiet time with Jesus.  I’ve learned to not listen for an audible booming voice from the sky, instead he speaks by drawing my eyes to a special scripture.  He encourages me with a song or a message.  Some mornings he is just quiet and lets me talk and talk.  Every morning I thank him for life and breath and for loving even me.

As I begin this process of blogging, my whole purpose is to encourage and bless others.  Some posts may be more serious and sincere and others may just be a funny incident that bears repeating, but overall if you leave my page with a smile I will feel like I have succeeded.

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One thought on “My Crossroads”

  1. I love this one the most so far! It challenges me.
    You are always in my prayers.
    And I’m looking forward to reading more. 🙂

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